Improved Hell? Whats with that name?

Well, that's about the simplest way to describe my life.  Went from living in hell to present day; still living in hell but slightly more tolerable, from one hell to another.

Or so I thought....

It sucks being bi-polar, even more so to be afflicted with bi-polar depression. (BPD) So you take medication, right?  That's supposed to fix it, right?  Wrong!   We've all heard and joked about those commercials.....

*Enter balding, salt and peppered haired, slender built man wearing khaki shirt, with equally slender wife with coiffed brunette hair wearing matching khaki cardigan*

Man:  Honey...
Woman:  What is it dear?
Man:  I've got something important I need to tell you....  *breaks eye contact*
Woman:  *concerned voice*  What is it?  You know you can confide anything to me...
Man:  Well I went to the Dr, and .... well...  I've contracted Condyloma Acuminata...
*silence*   *crickets*  *deafening silence*
Woman:  WHAT THE F¿¢% ?????

Narrator:  Guys, you don't want to have this conversation with the ladies....  For treatment of Condyloma Acuminata (Anal Warts) ask your physician about Tramloximil....

Drug Warnings:  CONTACT YOUR DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY if you experience sharp or crushing chest pain; sudden shortness of breath; sudden leg pain; sudden severe headache, vomiting, dizziness, or fainting; changes in vision; numbness of an arm or leg; slurred speech; one-sided weakness; sudden unexplained weight gain; change in amount of urine produced; severe or persistent stomach pain; vomit that looks like coffee grounds; black tarry stools; itching, reddened, swollen, blistered, painful, or peeling skin; yellowing of the skin or eyes; dark urine; right-sided tenderness; severe or persistent tiredness; fever, chills, or sore throat; severe or persistent nausea; swelling of hands, ankles, feet, face and/or death.

HOLY SHIT?  WTF?  Well maybe this is a bad example, I guess I'd rather die than have anal warts so I guess I'd take whatever medication I'd have to to get rid if that shit, but y'all get my drift?  No matter what medications you take, there are always some sort of bizarre side effects.

Some of my worst symptoms of BPD is not only severe aggression and anger, but also a few failed suicide attempts and hyperventilating until I pass out.  I went for years undiagnosed.  I knew there was something wrong with me but the person I depended on the most, my husband, would just tell me I was crazy.  Which I was, but he had no clue how bad I just wanted to die.  I still don't think to this day he realizes it.

Those of us that attended school in Estacada (Estacada, OR) knew Hillary Hansen.  She suffered from BPD, she did not make it out alive.  That broke my heart when I heard that she was suffering and she wasn't able to get the help she needed.  I had known Hillary since she was a little girl and she was so sweet.

Well that's part one of BPD..... Medication side effects and other details I'll leave out for now, but my hope that by sharing my experiences with BPD that someone else will make it out alive.

As always, Stay Classy!  ~Leslie