Improved Hell? Whats with that name?

Well, that's about the simplest way to describe my life.  Went from living in hell to present day; still living in hell but slightly more tolerable, from one hell to another.

Or so I thought....

It sucks being bi-polar, even more so to be afflicted with bi-polar depression. (BPD) So you take medication, right?  That's supposed to fix it, right?  Wrong!   We've all heard and joked about those commercials.....

*Enter balding, salt and peppered haired, slender built man wearing khaki shirt, with equally slender wife with coiffed brunette hair wearing matching khaki cardigan*

Man:  Honey...
Woman:  What is it dear?
Man:  I've got something important I need to tell you....  *breaks eye contact*
Woman:  *concerned voice*  What is it?  You know you can confide anything to me...
Man:  Well I went to the Dr, and .... well...  I've contracted Condyloma Acuminata...
*silence*   *crickets*  *deafening silence*
Woman:  WHAT THE F¿¢% ?????

Narrator:  Guys, you don't want to have this conversation with the ladies....  For treatment of Condyloma Acuminata (Anal Warts) ask your physician about Tramloximil....

Drug Warnings:  CONTACT YOUR DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY if you experience sharp or crushing chest pain; sudden shortness of breath; sudden leg pain; sudden severe headache, vomiting, dizziness, or fainting; changes in vision; numbness of an arm or leg; slurred speech; one-sided weakness; sudden unexplained weight gain; change in amount of urine produced; severe or persistent stomach pain; vomit that looks like coffee grounds; black tarry stools; itching, reddened, swollen, blistered, painful, or peeling skin; yellowing of the skin or eyes; dark urine; right-sided tenderness; severe or persistent tiredness; fever, chills, or sore throat; severe or persistent nausea; swelling of hands, ankles, feet, face and/or death.

HOLY SHIT?  WTF?  Well maybe this is a bad example, I guess I'd rather die than have anal warts so I guess I'd take whatever medication I'd have to to get rid if that shit, but y'all get my drift?  No matter what medications you take, there are always some sort of bizarre side effects.

Some of my worst symptoms of BPD is not only severe aggression and anger, but also a few failed suicide attempts and hyperventilating until I pass out.  I went for years undiagnosed.  I knew there was something wrong with me but the person I depended on the most, my husband, would just tell me I was crazy.  Which I was, but he had no clue how bad I just wanted to die.  I still don't think to this day he realizes it.

Those of us that attended school in Estacada (Estacada, OR) knew Hillary Hansen.  She suffered from BPD, she did not make it out alive.  That broke my heart when I heard that she was suffering and she wasn't able to get the help she needed.  I had known Hillary since she was a little girl and she was so sweet.

Well that's part one of BPD..... Medication side effects and other details I'll leave out for now, but my hope that by sharing my experiences with BPD that someone else will make it out alive.

As always, Stay Classy!  ~Leslie

Birthdays!

Here I sit in the last few moments of my 39th birthday.  I received presents, cakes, phone calls, flowers, cards - even a gourmet salad!  My family and I went out to a lovely dinner at our favorite Texas themed steak house.  Some of our friends stopped by to say and hello and with birthday wishes, all in all-a pleasant enough day.  Do I look any older? No.... I pretty much look like I did yesterday, well except for the large pimple on my chin.

Why are birthdays such a big deal?  I certainly don't care about mine and could care less if I got wished a happy birthday.  But when its someone else's birthday I go all out to make that certain friend or family member feel special, so yeah, I get it.  I'm loved and my friends and family want to make me feel special on my birthday.  I certainly don't expect gifts, in fact, Id rather not receive any at all!  My Mom LOVES to go to the thrift store and buy a bunch of crap, spend about $8.00 then spend $20.00 to ship it all from Estacada, Or to San Antonio,Tx.

I know, its the thought that counts, I just wish people wouldn't make a fuss over me!  I wish my Mom wouldn't spend the very minimal social security money she gets on me.  I have plenty, If I want something -I buy it!  I never wait for special occasions therefore I have everything I could ever want and more! With that being said, I don't buy gifts just because its someones birthday.  If I see something meaningful that I think someone would like, I buy it, regardless if its their birthday or not- so sometimes my friends and family don't receive anything at all from me.  I just happen to believe we shouldn't wait until that persons birthday to express our love and friendship, that is some thing we should do year round.

I got totally off track on this shit - I don't even remember what I really wanted to write about originally.  Oh yeah.....  So my most memorable gifts are those that are hand made - or - the written word.  My Mom did both.  She loves to make cards, well make anything.  She is super creative and talented.  So she made me the cutest card and wrote very nice sentiments.

Front

Inside

Back

I just thought this was so sweet and cute!  She cut out all the little pictures and letters out of a jewelry catalog.  She also knows how much I love Paris so she cut out little fleur de lis - so cute!

This is the card that Ed gave me,  he knows how I love my skinny bitch jeans!

And then there was last year, I received this message from my dear wonderful, talented friend and consumer of all things extravagant and elegant:  Sylvia Flores;

Sylvia Flores posted to Leslie Anderson

October 5, 2012 at 10:37am · 

Leslie Anderson, if I was in Texas right now, I would be making you a big, FAT ManMosa or a Bloody Mary and would create a cake the size of SPAIN in which a scantily clad man servant would jump out of in order to serve you that and presents such as, but not limited to: Diamonds. Cash. Expensive handbags. Shoes. An exotic pet such as a llama or puma. And so on. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SISTER! 

Additionally, we would sweep away in a stretch limo to an airport to board our private aircraft piloted by a movie star so that we could go to a private island party--the island of Leslie. And everyone would be all: "LESLIE! Oh my god. You are so beautiful.  Great party! Happy birthday!" and they would also give you expensive presents. You would respond humbly, "Oh thank you, dear. You know, these GORGEOUS looks don't come from clean living!" to which everyone would laugh. Then the paparazzi would be overhead shooting photos which would appear in Vanity Fair, InStyle, GQ, Esquire, Vogue, etc. as the biggest, most kick-ass party EVER. And so on.

And YOU would be on the cover. Headline: "LESLIE ANDERSON. HOTTEST WOMAN ALIVE AND HER EPIC BIRTHDAY PARTY YOU WISH YOU WERE INVITED TO"

There. My reign of terror is now over.

Happy Birthday!

HUGS AND KISSES TO YOU!!!! 

And then there was this little message from my dear friend David Pelker;

Leslie, I swear....that woman Sylvia Flores totally stole my Birthday plans for you. Except I was going to bake you a cake the size of Brazil with WAY hotter guys in it all wearing Louis Vuitton jock straps and ravishing you in frosting and hot candle wax. And there was something else to do with Tequila, and and Cartier jewelry but i forgot what it was. So anyway, have fun on the island and have the Best Damn Happy Birthday Ever!!

So as you can see - the written word is such a wonderful gift, one of the most meaningful gifts of all.  

Mad love to ALL and always...

Stay Classy!  Leslie~

Why a Blog? Part Dos

What's in it for You?  

Well I'll tell ya!  Aside from satiating my creative writing side, I also have a jewelry designer inside of me.  In order to expand I need to invest in a CAD/CAM system which runs upward of near $10,000.00 - $250,000.00!

What the heck is CAD/CAM?  

CAD/CAM is an acronym for Computer Aided Design/Computer Aided Manufacturing.  CAD/CAM systems are used all over the world to manufacture products from engine parts, computer circuit boards to dentistry!   I was trained on one of these systems specifically for jewelry making about 9 years ago by one of the jewelers I used to work for.  At the time I was only one of two people in the entire city of San Antonio that was proficient in the entire CAD/CAM process start to finish.  The other person in the city that knew this system was the lady that I worked with that trained me so we had a real niche in this city.

The number of people in this city and world wide with CAD/CAM experience in jewelry making is still very limited so I feel I still have a niche in this market.

I am the Controller for a jewelry store.  I run the business start to finish from the accounting, taxes, payroll, customer service to buying inventory and changing out a watch battery if I have to!  We buy our jewelry from a manufacturer.  With a CAD/CAM system, my partner James and I will be the manufacturers!  Cutting out the middle man so that we can offer our customers a higher quality, custom designed piece of jewelry at a fraction of the time AND price!  A custom piece of jewelry to be made by hand takes upward of at least 6 weeks, it can be done faster depending on how intricate the design is but again it is hand made.  It is not perfect!

CAD/CAM made pieces ARE perfect, and from start to finish can be completed in as little as 24 hours!  I design the element with the computer (This is the CAD part).  A computer rendering (or image) is produced. From this point you can visually see what the finished product look likes.  The rendering can then be emailed to customer for approval.  Adjustments can be made and then on to the next stage - the growing of the mold!  After any and all adjustments are made, you then send the file to the rapid prototyping machine (The CAM part).  Overnight, a wax rendering (or mold) is grown in the machine.  This is where I'm out of the loop.   I hand off the mold to the finishing jeweler (my partner James) and he casts the mold in whatever alloy the customer wishes, polishes and sets any stones that need to be set, etc.

This is a brief visual of the four-step process:

Step one is the computer design portion - this is one of the designs I did years and years ago for San Antonio news anchor, Shelley Miles.

Computer rendering of the ring.

Finished Ring!

OK, got it - you want to do CAD/CAM, so..... again..... why a blog?

Like I said - Its two fold;  I'm doing something that I love PLUS with the more followers I can get, the more likely my blog will get picked up by a sponsor and that means DINERO!  (That I will use to invest in my CAD/CAM system)  So y'all can help me by sending me money (lol) or just following and sharing my blog. You'll be helping me plus maybe, just maybe you might learn something new about me and pick up some useful information!

Stay Classy!  Leslie~ 

Why a blog? Part One

I'm finally at a point in my life where my mind is clear enough to focus on some of the things I love most, to start with; reading and writing.  OK, I got the reading part down but what about the writing?  I just have this need within me to put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard as it were. Some people knit, decorate their homes or paint to express their creativity - I write!  (I do the other stuff to, well except knit - haven't got the knack for that yet) I'll be honest, I haven't written a lot, mostly because I don't have the time or energy plus I have moderate arthritis and acute carpal tunnel but I'm on the eve of my 39th birthday, its time to get serious!

This blog will be about everything (my improved hell) my life's journey, living with bi-polar depression, lupus (and all the manifestations that lupus brings), being financially destitute, my kids, life in Oregon, life in Texas, my career, my relationship with my husband and living with an alcoholic.  That is just the beginning!  I also love to make people laugh!  I come from a family with a very dry, sarcastic (and most of the time twisted and sick) sense of humor.  I've been told I should have been a comedian (ain't nobody got time for that!) but I'm also deathly afraid of public speaking.  I'm not sure where it stems from, but I have a slight stutter, especially when I get nervous.  But, with my improved health, I've been able to stop using some of the mind numbing medications, there for becoming more confident, and alas, able to write again!

My first inspiration is my improved health, weight loss and fitness journey I started this year.  I didn't want to do "just another weight loss blog" bragging about my tight booty and abs and suggesting dreadful meals made with tofu and allege that's all I eat.  I've had about enough of those - but I do want to share my success (in a forum other than Facebook) , hopefully make y'all laugh, and to help others that may be where I was.

Stay Classy!  Leslie~